so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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