I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
