I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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