Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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