You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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