just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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