you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
