so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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