Texts From Last Night

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  i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash

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  (353): i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash http://tfl.nu/bafg
  Replies (22) Good night (5639) Bad night (706)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  just survived the first fart of the relationship.

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  (719): just survived the first fart of the relationship. http://tfl.nu/r3p3
  Replies (15) Good night (4013) Bad night (762)
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  (310): View more from California

  YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!

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  (310): YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??! http://tfl.nu/ltdu
  Replies (55) Good night (8681) Bad night (748)
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  (516): View more from New York

  she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?

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  (516): she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe? http://tfl.nu/rh9d
  Replies (25) Good night (1159) Bad night (4732)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!

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  (506): porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off! http://tfl.nu/nmc3
  Replies (28) Good night (5849) Bad night (816)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.

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  (407): She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it. http://tfl.nu/q87n
  Replies (23) Good night (1462) Bad night (6750)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

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  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (32) Good night (17271) Bad night (1393)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole

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  (908): My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole http://tfl.nu/mk1q
  Replies (4) Good night (2064) Bad night (971)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question

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  (303): No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question http://tfl.nu/r4al
  Replies (7) Good night (3201) Bad night (973)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".

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  (719): Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby". http://tfl.nu/v0w5
  Replies (14) Good night (4193) Bad night (972)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  we should probably just go check in at the police station right now

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  (814): we should probably just go check in at the police station right now http://tfl.nu/dhxr
  Replies (8) Good night (1484) Bad night (662)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye

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  (360): Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye http://tfl.nu/wt8g
  Replies (5) Good night (499) Bad night (815)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me

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  (614): you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me http://tfl.nu/5ifz
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (345)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.

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  (612): It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected. http://tfl.nu/ebyi
  Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (278)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs

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  (905): He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs http://tfl.nu/gppx
  Replies (4) Good night (500) Bad night (266)

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