At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.