Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
