Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?