It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
