Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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