How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
