I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
