i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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