To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
