His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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