She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
