I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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