my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
