so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
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