the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The best revenge is premature balding
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
