I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
