Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
