I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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