Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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