batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the day after is always just damage control
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize