Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
