You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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