Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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