a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
