Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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