halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
