Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
