No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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