"it" just moved
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
