Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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