she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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