i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
