We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
