Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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