from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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