I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
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I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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