It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
