His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
