Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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