Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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