I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
