Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
