Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
