so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
