his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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