I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
