Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
