**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
