You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
