i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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