If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
