She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
