Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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