I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm bleeding and have questions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
