We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
