I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The adults are the big ones right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
