She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
