no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
