I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
