so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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