All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
