Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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