I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
