I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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