I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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